


No More Heroes: Pacifist Run

by Piichu



Category: No More Heroes (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe, alright boys les go, i can't believe i'm finally doing this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-05-20 22:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14903597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piichu/pseuds/Piichu
Summary: Travis has lost count of how many times he's been through this game, but what he does know is he's getting bored as hell from going through the motions. So he decides to try a self imposed challenge: Can he go through the entire thing without killing anyone?*Temporarily on hiatus*





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The narration in this is supposed to resemble the intro cutscene that plays before you start the game. Also note this is going to be a very character heavy fic, so the description of the locations and the game mechanics might not be... the most accurate. >>;;

I know a lot of gamers out there don't have much patience. Least that's what Bishop, the dude at the video store said. So I'm at the register, then I realize... 

... 

... I realize I've been through this bullshit before. I don't know how many times, but I can taste the ashes of deja vu on my tongue as I recite this entire monologue waiting for you to press the A button. How many times  _ have _ you replayed this? You're neglecting your other games, jackass! Or maybe this is a used copy, and you're wondering what the fuck I'm going on about, if this is  _ supposed _ to be a part of the experience with how avant-garde this game is. And no, it's not. It's me realizing I'm getting  _ bored _ of chopping off heads. I know, right? How can a guy possibly get bored of that? There's only so many times you can watch a movie before you get it committed to memory, and no matter how much you love it, you see every line coming, you expect the twists, who’s gonna die, who's gonna live. Same here. Kill my way to number one. Find out it's bullshit. Set up the next game. A groundhog loop of realizing I'm never gonna find the fucking exit. 

So anyways, I skipped on assassinating the Drifter. You heard me. I no-showed him. I know, height of jackassery, just as bad as when I took up three parking spaces at once-- but it's not my fault my bike's so fuckin' big. I decided to stay home instead, binge some anime, play my games, do whatever I usually do when I'm broke as fuck and can't afford to get blackout drunk at the nearest bar. In the middle of playing  _ Bizzare Jelly 4 _ I get a phone call, and on my voicemail I hear Slyvia's angelic voice:

_ "Congratulations. You are certified as the 11th-best hit man-- consider this a freebie. Do me a favor and don't waste my fucking time again. Don't you want to be Number 1, Travis?" _

I guess some things are inherently programmed in. So I bet by now you're wondering, 'What the fuck are you getting at, shithead? This is like if Mario said 'Wa-ah, I don'ta feel like jumping on any Goombas', what kinda fucking bullshit is that? I should have pressed the A button by now!' And for one, I'm surprised you let me ramble on this long without jamming it. But hear me out: I wanna try something, a little self imposed challenge. Specifically, a  _ pacifist _ run. 

...

Holy shit, you didn't shut off the game. Alright, I'll keep going. I wanna see what'll happen if I don't kill anyone. If I can  _ get _ through the game without killing anyone. I'm not saying it'll kick ass, but a little variety could be fun. Or could totally suck, and I'm watering at the mouth to see heads start rolling again. But humor a guy, would ya bro? Let's see how far we can go with this pacifist-shtick. 

…

By the way, I wouldn’t suggest doing a let’s play of this. I don’t think anyone will believe ya if you tried to claim this wasn’t some crazy hack you made. 

...

Okay I swear to god I'm done so you can press the A butto-- 


	2. The High Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after not updating for 5000 years I LIVE. big thanks to who helped beta this!!

"Dude, what the fuck?" Travis stared at the camera, "You let me monologue for that long and  _ then _ you press the A button before I'm done?  _ Douchebag!"  _ Travis went down the motel stairs and to his motorcycle. 

Cut to him racing towards the mansion at high speeds, preparing to-- wait, wait  _ fuck _ . He slammed on the brakes, skidding the bike to a stop before he ran into the mansion gates. Not even through the first cut-scene and already this was getting complicated. Maybe he could still crash the bike through the gate, wreck the fountain, and... not kill the lackeys? And then what, let them pump lead into him? Did they count on this pacifist run, or was it only spare the bosses? No, he couldn't pussy out of this. It's either all or nothing (regarding blood on his hands, anyways). 

He started pacing outside of the gate. Plan B: Tell them he's delivering a pizza, and that's why his bike is so big, it's to store the pizzas. Only problem is this would actually require  _ having _ a pizza to deliver. Fuck, there was no way he could go through this mansion without someone on his ass. If only there was some way around this mansion... wait. Travis looked up. Or... some way  _ up _ the mansion. 

... Fuck it, he's spidermaning this. 

\---

"Quite beautiful, wouldn't you say?" Death Metal gazed at the sea, "Paid for by the lives of many," he swished his wine, not even looking at the assassin approaching him. It'd be all over soon, "When you have the strength to take life for yourself, that is true weal--"  

He was cut off by a screaming Travis crashing onto the marble tile. Astounded, Death Metal turned his head to see Travis get up, now with a nosebleed from the impact, "Whatever you just fuckin' said, repeat it. I didn't hear it from the roof," 

"The  _ roof _ ?" Death Metal said, astounded for a moment. He looked up. Then back at Travis, "So... you bypassed all my guards, yet you still intend to kill me? Rather cowardly of an assassin--" 

"Can the speech old man," 

"Not even willing to humor the words of the old man you intend to kill?"

"I'm not here to kill you," 

Death Metal paused, setting his wine down and getting up, "... Then what the fuck  _ are _ you here for? Are you a burglar? Is that it? You might as well take something if you came this far, I have more than enough--"

"I'm not a burglar! I'm still in the rankings,"

Now Death Metal appeared more bewildered than before, "But... you're not here to kill me..." 

"Yes," 

"Then," Death Metal said, exasperated, "then why are you in the  _ rankings _ ? You are aware of what the 'UAA' stands for, correct?" 

"Yeah, I fuckin' do! I'm not an idiot!" Travis paused, "Or... that  _ much _ of an idiot-- look, I'm here because I have to be. It's a self imposed challenge-- I wanna see if I can get through this without killing anyone,"  

"An 'assassin' who doesn't want to kill anyone..." Death Metal chuckled, amused at the very thought, "certainly one hell of a paradox... tell me, then, what was your plan if you're not intending to kill me?" 

"I... well, you  _ see _ ...' Travis made hand motions before he stopped, rubbing his neck, "I... didn't think that far..." he admitted, "Fuck, how am I gonna clear the  _ stage _ without killing you?" 

"I'm a little disappointed," Death Metal said, picking up his wine again and sipping it, "I had this whole speech prepared and everything," 

"About how the assassin life isn't what it’s chalked up to be?" 

"Yes, that," Death Metal swigged his wine, "Hm... it has been quite awhile since I've had any guests that weren't intending to behead me," 

A screen popped up, ranking how well he did-- of course, he got nothing for not killing anyone, but he at least got something for not taking any damage and his clear time... Wait, "Fuck, that worked?" 

"What worked?" Death Metal asked, finishing his wine. 

"I dunno? You deciding I'm your guest or something? Or... us deciding we don't wanna kill each other? Didn't know  _ that  _ was a win condition." evidently it did work since the chest was there. He went to it, getting the health upgrade. 

There was the sound of heels clicking behind them as Slyvia approached, behind her two men who intended to clean up the mess... if there was one to clean up, that is. Upon seeing the  _ lack  _ of murder, she frowned, hands on her hips, "So... you did not do it. Again,"

"Did what again?" Travis asked. 

"You did not  _ kill _ the other assassin," she walked up to him, "do you know what you are here for? Should I explain it for you? Or are you ducking out on this already with your tail between your legs?"

The two men Slyvia came with stood confused, seeming unsure of what to do if there wasn't any blood to clean up. Taking pity on them, Death Metal 'accidentally' dropped his wine glass, allowing them to at least have that to clean up, "Perhaps, while you're here... you could also tidy up a bit? You wouldn't  _ believe _ how much sand gets around here, from the beach..." 

"I'm not," Travis said, looking away, "I'm still reaching for number one. Just... without killing anyone," 

"Do you even hear yourself, Travis?" with nobody to take any pictures of, she began snapping pictures of the beachfront instead, "Humanity did not advance by  _ playing nice _ . It is in our blood to kill each other!"

Travis shrugged, looking out into the horizon, "Then I guess it's not in mine anymore." 

Slyvia paused, turning back to him, "Travis..." she said gently, "are you getting soft on me?" she approached him, "And how far do you intend to take this? Do you really think you can spare  _ all _ of them? They're all here because they're murderers, you know. How did you make it here without killing anyone?" 

Travis gestured to the roof. 

Slyvia paused, "Ah... I see. Well, you can't possibly be the 10th ranked assassin if he is still there!"

"Well... how about this? What if someone doesn't  _ want _ their rank anymore? What about that?" 

"Someone willingly giving up their rank? Who would do that, and erase all of their hard work?" 

"Hey Death Metal!" Travis yelled. 

"Hold on, I'm telling them where to sweep!" 

"Do you still wanna be number 10?" 

"I stopped giving a fuck about that a long time ago, no matter what rank you're at, arrogant, crude little shits still come after you!" 

"I said I wasn’t here to kill you, asshole!" 

Slyvia sighed, flicking her wrist, "... Fine, if you are  _ that _ stubborn about the matter... because Death Metal has officially given up his ranking... you are now ranked 10th. I'm curious, Travis. How far can you take this pacifist act? In a world where assassins are in it to  _ kill _ ? And number 11 could be right around the corner. Do you intend to make friendly chat with him as he's taking out your eye?" Slyvia took a picture of him, "... There is something under your nose." 

Travis touched under his nose, realizing there was dried blood from his nose bleed earlier. Fuck, did he have that the  _ entire time _ they were talking? "And you didn't think to tell me earlier?"

"Well, that would be rude, wouldn't it? ... By the way, Travis... if you do not intend to kill anyone... then I cannot keep my promise of sleeping with you, even if you are number 1." 

Travis tensed, "That's... a sacrifice I'm willing to make." 

Slyvia laughed, gesturing for her lackys to come with her, "Good luck, Travis. You're going to have to spill blood sometime." 

***** RANKING LIST*****

**MARVELOUS!**

  1. **Travis Touchdown**




End file.
